family

As much as I am enjoying living in my friend Alex's house, lately I've just felt a little empty; like there's something missing. I know it's really not that long until I see my family again, and that I can still see my beautiful sister, but I would give anything to be able to hug my mum.

Next week it will have been 3months since I saw my parents, brother and nephew, and although I know it's for the best, I wish they would come back. I keep having dreams that they do, and that Connor (my nephew) is a lot older than I remember. Which he probably is.

I think the hardest thing for me will be knowing that my parents won't be there to see me graduate, and my mum won't be there to help me get ready for my formal. I know there a lot of people around me who are there to support me, for which I am unbelievably grateful, but nothing would make me happier than for my mum and dad to see me finish school.

We've always been crazed and dysfunctional, and I've experienced some pretty intense stuff, so moving into a household where everything seems to run perfectly and everyone gets along was a little overwhelming for me. I know that there have been a lot of positive changes in myself since I've moved in with Alex's family e.g. I eat well now, I get enough sleep, I actually exercise, my energy levels have increased, and I've been able to do a lot of things I've always wanted to but never had the time for. I am so grateful for all of these changes, and I know I've needed them, but they are all things I would easily sacrifice if it meant I could have my family back.

It's weird to think that I'm never going to live with my family as a whole family again. I know it would have happened sooner or later, as I became older and more independent, but to have it happen now is just a lot harder. I still want to be able to come home and cuddle my mum all afternoon, and joke with my brother, and play with my nephew. I even miss the mundane things, like cleaning and doing washing, and cooking. I barely do any of that where I live now, and it feels so alien to me.

I guess, summed up, I just really miss my family.