Sitting here, listening to Brian Eno's Music For Airports, I'm thinking about what's important to me; what I want in my life and what I want to discard. I'm aware that this could easily come off as just another teenage girl whingeing about life and emotional farce, but I don't care. That's not my intention, and what I write is honest, so that's why I do it; and if people wish to cast me off as a typical whiney teenager, that's their decision. All I have to offer is integrity, and whether others can relate to what I'm writing is irrelevant. This is for me.

I've had the greatest urge for truth lately. For things to be as they really are; for people to be who they really are instead of who they think they have to be; and for bareness. It would be so satisfying to just strip everything back to the base of meaning, and to rid ourselves of the synthetic pretentiousness we are so often unconsciously compelled to adopt.
I know that I am so close to being where I want to be within myself, and the only things pinning me back are environmental factors. I've been in the sort of frame of mind where other people, knowingly or unknowingly, detract from my state of mind, and the only thing I can do is distance myself from those people. I've reached a certain level of disgust in people surrounding me, with the exception of a small handful, and it has helped me realise who I want in my life and who I know is bad company. Cynicism, narcissicm, and blatant disregard for the wellbeing of others have all angered me so much in the last few weeks; and what's even more angering is when these qualities come from those you least expect.

I miss innocence and modesty. I don't understand why people feel ashamed to be true to themselves. It's interesting that some people don't realise you are aware when they put on an act. What's even more interesting is that they think you would prefer them the way they are when they're acting. Which could not be further from the truth.

I crave simplicity and honesty. Trying to tolerate other people's arrogance is beginning to wear me out, and I look forward to being able to discard as much negative energy as possible. More than anything, I look forward to going home.